


You caused it

by orphan_account, reimun



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Anxiety, Burning, Depression, Drowning, Gen, Hallucinations, Medications, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Mystery, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychosis, Therapy, Torture, Violence, Waterboarding, mentions of gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 14:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15145226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/reimun/pseuds/reimun
Summary: It’s horrible what people do when they’re jealous.





	1. Prologue

Words couldn’t truly describe how he felt, standing before the cracked, dust-decorated headstone; he was alone- _he hoped_ \- in the waning sunlight as the sun began to sink behind the leaf-abandoned, frost-bitten trees. His anger was expressed through clenched, trembling fists; and his anguish was shown through the tears collecting in his goldenrod-colored irises.

  
He drew a rough, cloudy breath. “I hope hell treats you horribly,” he snarled, swallowing loudly, _“I hope hell treats you horribly for what you’ve done.”_


	2. Chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s horrible what people do when they’re jealous.

“Brother.” I paused, shoulders tense as a shadow fell over me like a shroud, blotting out the only available light in the already small hallway. I had never hated the dark before it happened, but now, being trapped in the end of a darkened corridor with no escape - no way of running off for my own protection - became a commonly occurring nightmare to me, even though I had nightmares all the time.

 

I wondered if I was dreaming for a second, but the faintest ebbing up my remaining arm quickly reminded me that I was grounded in reality. My brother wanted me to turn and look at him, to face what I had done and simply accept the consequences of my actions, but I was too cowardly; much too frightened of what punishment would come because of this. I know it upsets Al when I lose control like this, but I can't help it. I used to be so fearless, so brave in the face of possible death, but my courage was taken from me.

 

_It’s not my fault._

 

_Everyone still blames me._

 

I took a quivering breath and turned, folding my arms over my chest while trying my hardest to not tremble as I stood before Al, who easily towered over me. He was stronger than I, bigger than I, more powerful than I.

 

_I don't stand a chance._

 

“Are you alright?” he asked simply. I stared down at the wood floors, eyes tracing each dent and scratch in the dark surface so I could hopefully avoid angering him further. I noticed a discoloration on the floor, patches where whatever they used to stain the wood was darker, dark like dried pools of-

 

I swallowed back bile, suddenly nauseous. I hadn’t eaten much for breakfast, and while I had left most of my food behind, it still was difficult to go through the day without it eventually spewing back up.

 

I opened my mouth to speak, nervously licking chapped lips. “I’m fine,” I murmured. A lie. I knew lying was bad, and being caught meant the punishment was far worse; but if Al believed me - and I prayed, internally, that he did - I wouldn’t have to be put through the agony of being reprimanded _again._

 

And then Al was kneeling, looking up to look into my eyes. His gaze shifted from mine to the arm cradled protectively against my chest. He was silent. _I could tell he was angry._ I didn’t want him to be angry. I tried to focus on the dark staining in the wood below us.

 

I tried to focus on _anything_ but the situation at hand.

 

“Ed, you promised you would stop,” he voiced. His words were soft; _they were just a mask to make me lower my guard._

 

He wanted me trust him so he could lure me into a false sense of guilt.

 

I bit my lip and exhaled forcefully, trying not to focus on how blood webbed from shallow cuts in my pale flesh and bubbled like little streams of crimson trailing down and _drip, drip, dripping_ onto the floor below. I shuddered at the sight of blood, waves of both fear and euphoria disorienting me. The pain helped bring me back to reality, though it only served as a reminder of what had occurred not so long ago.

 

“I wanted to,” I informed. It was the truth. The words tumbled from my mouth frantically in an attempt to fix this situation. “I _really_ wanted to, Al.” My voice cracked, and I winced, tears pooling into my eyes, blurring my vision.

 

Al reached out and grabbed my hand, his grip cold against my heated skin. I let out a shrill cry, thrashing my hand from his grip. I stumbled back against the wall of the hallway, my breaths turning into rapid hissing between clenched teeth.

 

“Don't touch me!” I finally managed to snarl, the tears quickly escaping from where they welled and fell in thin trails down my cheeks. I don't remember crying this often before. When I was younger, a while ago, I used to be so strong.

 

_He’d broken me._

 

Al sighed, urging, “Ed, it’s okay; _I’m not gonna hurt you._ I just need to bandage your wounds before they get infected.” I winced at the reminder of infected wounds, of crusted cuts with yellow, watery pus dribbling down. The raised, inflamed skin, hot to the touch, throbbing to the tempo of my palpitating heart.

 

I don't want my wounds to get infected.

 

_I don’t want to be back there._

 

I don’t want to be back there, stuck at his mercy; practically suffocated by the ragged, foul-smelling washcloth as he clamps his hands tightly over my mouth.

 

_I have to make a decision._

 

I could allow Al to dress my wounds, which would require me to drop my guard and let him get close, or I could quickly find a way to escape, protect my wounds, and open them to infection.

 

After a moment of thought, I weakly nodded, looking up at Al. “Fine. You- You can bandage my wounds,” I whispered, gradually beginning to pull my arm away from my chest, “but not for long!”

 

“Not for long,” he agreed, nodding stiffly. He closed his fingers around my thin, skeletal wrist, trying to be as gentle as possible. He wasn’t gentle in the slightest; but I’d never tell him the truth. “I’ll be quick, Ed,” he promised, “just- I- I need to go get a first aid kit, okay?”

 

He was leaving.

 

 _Al was leaving._ “No-!” I shrieked, hastily shuffling closer. He released my wrist. _“No!”_

 

“It’s okay-!” he promised, “I’ll be right back-!”

 

“You’re not leaving-!” I wailed, forcefully trying to put my wrist back between his fingers. “No!”

 

“How about you come with me-?” he proposed, sounding optimistic. He always sounded optimistic; like nothing could go wrong. I wasn’t going to tell him the truth about that, either. It wasn’t very important. “Does that sound good-?”

 

I nodded, shoving past him to begin walking down the hall. As long as Al was there, I didn’t see a problem with leaving the safety of my darkened hall corner. Cruel, animalistic people lurked beyond our front door, waiting for a chance to pull my brother away; I wasn’t going to give that to them. “Let’s go-!” I urged nervously, marching in front of him, towards the bathroom, “let’s go!”

 

~*~

 

I was screaming. Frenzied, animalistic cries escaped from deep within my soul and I thrashed violently, my limbs colliding against the pristine porcelain sides of the tub, watered down droplets of blood trickled down from the collusion.

 

_I didn't focus on them._

 

_I focused on trying to escape._

 

My golden hair stuck to the sides of my face, water trailing down my face and into my mouth. I sputtered, coughing loudly when in my attempt to escape, I managed to inhale some water.

 

_I’m drowning!_

 

“Brother, _please_ calm down-!” I could hear my brother’s voice over the deafening splashes of water and shrieking. I only let out a louder cry; begging him _not to do this._

 

_I trusted him._

 

_He’s going to drown me._

 

_He promised he wouldn’t do this._

 

I looked down at my submerged legs and tried to breathe, tried to still my fleeting heart, which was battering the inside of my rib cage as if it, too, were trying to escape. Water poured down my face, obscuring my vision. I inhaled more water, loud coughs wracking my fragile frame.

 

The sound of rushing water stopped. All I was left with was my staggered breathing, and my heart drumming shallowly in my ears. Hands wrapped around my shoulders and lifted me from the water. I didn't fight them, thankful for the help as my feet touched the frigid tile of the bathroom floor and a towel was dropped over my shoulders.

 

“It's all over, brother,” Al announced. He sounded apologetic. I nodded dumbly, frantically trying to wipe away the vile substance soaking every inch of my pale skin. I shuddered at the feeling of wet hair clinging to the back of my neck. It stood as nothing more than a ghostly reminder.

 

_I don't want to remember._

 

_I usually spent my nights cowering in the corner of my stone-floored cell. He wouldn’t bother me; not until daylight fell into the small, chilly-aired space through a high-set window that I could only dream of reaching if my dreams weren’t maimed by images of his hands around my throat, or his washcloth over my mouth._

 

_Light fell towards me from beneath a door that had been shut and locked not far off. I could hear him murmuring, talking aloud to nobody in particular about topics that I hadn’t really allowed myself to think about before. We were weak, despicable creatures; I was the embodiment of all we had evolved to become as humans- strong, lean, and filled with spite._

 

_Most of my spite was directed at him._

 

_If I was the embodiment of all we as humans had evolved to become, he was the embodiment of all we had left behind. He was an animal; a wolf who was chosen by choice with a chain locked around his neck and a key trapped between his clawed, calloused fingers._

 

_I shuddered violently at the image of those fingers scratching at my flesh; digging for more than just blood. He wanted to tear at my intestines with his sharpened, glimmering canines; to close his jaws around my non-metal shoulder and rip it straight from the socket._

 

_My stomach tightened._

 

_Water dropped from a faucet somewhere._

 

_Water dripped._

 

_Drip._

 

_Drip._

 

 _Snap._ “Brother,” Al called, snapping his fingers quietly but hastily beneath my nose, “are you alright-? You were spacing out.”

 

_Drip._

 

 _Drip._ “You said it was over,” I whispered shakily, glancing towards the water-slicked bathtub, “you said it was over!”

 

 _Drip._ “It’s over,” Al promised. He began to lightly nudge me in the direction of the bathroom door, which was set open. I took off down the hall as fast as my feet would carry me, sprinting for cover; somewhere away from Al- a place of safety that was all my own, even if he’d tried his best to take all the safe places away.

 

No place was ever safe.

 

He was always watching.

 

I was never alone.

 

Even if I pulled the blinds shut, I could never get away from his prying eyes and sinister smile.

 

During the day, I could hear him laughing; at night, I could always feel his touch.

 

_I was never alone._


	3. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s horrible what people do when they’re jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to leave criticism!!

I felt restless. A stirring deep within my heart that shot waves of energy through my limbs and made it torture to stand idle. Al was sitting at a desk, his broad shoulders obscuring whatever vision I had of whatever he was working on.

 

I was sitting on my bed not far off from where he sat. I looked out the window at the rising sun painting the surroundings outside different colors of flame. Orange, red, yellow. The colors of fire painted outside and everything was splashed with them.

 

_Burning. Burning. The scent of wax candles wafted into the room._

 

_I couldn't stand it._

 

_My lungs were on fire._

 

_It burned. It singed my skin, leaving patches of disfiguring blisters that were beginning to peel painfully._

 

_He loved to prod those patches with his sharpened claws, just so he could watch me squirm._

 

“What's wrong?!” Al asked, turning to look at me. I paused before my hands slapped over my mouth. I didn't realize I was screaming at the time. All I could think about was the fire outside that burned everyone in the neighborhood alive. Roasted their flesh and reduced them to ash blowing in the wind.

 

I wanted to tell him, to explain why fear shot through my heart, but the words were trapped on the tip of my tongue. I let out another cry, muffled by my hands, and shook my head rapidly, my hair falling into my eyes and obscuring my vision.

 

Al sighed, though not unkindly. “Did you take your meds?”

 

I froze. “Ed,” he prompted once again, “did you take your meds?”

 

The smell of candle wax began to drift towards my nose again. “No,” I murmured, quietly, at first, before my voice began to climb into a high-pitched wail, “no!”

 

I threw myself off the bed, crashing to the wooden floor below as fire began to spring from the furniture around me. Smoke lunged for my lungs; I slammed my mouth shut in defiant, wordless response, not in any mood to give in to his demands or internal agendas. “No-!” I repeated, sprinting for Al’s desk, “no!”

 

_I need to save Al!_

 

I pulled my shirt up over my mouth to protect myself from the smoke and I rushed towards Al, reaching out and grabbing his shoulder. We needed to escape.

 

_We were going to burn to ashes!_

 

“Ed!” He grabbed my wrist and the flames evaporated. I gaped at him, too surprised to even care that he's _touching_ me. “Can you _please_ take your meds?”

 

I glanced around. “Where… Where did they go?”

 

The smell of smoke still seemed to linger, but there were no ravenous flames; just me, Al, and the odd, almost suffocating silence that was settling between us.

 

 _Suffocating_.

 

_The smoke was going to suffocate me._

 

I was shaking, my teeth chattering as if I were freezing. Al grabbed my shoulders and shook me slightly but I pulled away, pushing at his broad chestplate. I fell back against the wooden frame of my bed. I ran my fingers over the wood, in a frenzy, searching the dented frame for any evidence that the flames that I had seen only seconds before existed.

 

I blinked once, twice, three times before slumping to the floor, defeated. The smell of smoke wafted into my nose, further confusing me. It had seemed so real; the feeling of the fire’s orange tendrils dancing around the room and hungrily devouring the wooden furniture inside. They should have been reduced to smoldering cinders judging by the intensity of the flame, yet it all remained.

 

I began frantically patting at my chest, searching for signs that I’d been on the verge of turning into ash; but there was nothing- only papery flesh and unrelenting bone. My muscles hadn’t become putty against the heat- they were still clinging valiantly to my frame, despite the fact that my body owned little to no muscle and little to no fat.

 

I gasped and looked up at Al, tears forming in my eyes; a grin spreading across my face as I jumped to my feet with sudden energy and threw my arms around him the best I could. “You're okay!” I sobbed with relief, my form shaking with each loud cry.

 

_I was so happy. I hadn’t felt like this in a long time._

 

He nodded awkwardly, hesitantly returning the hug. I felt his large hand pat my back once or twice. “I’m okay-!” he repeated, audibly trying to match my optimism. I hugged him for as long as I could before waves of fear and discomfort over being trapped against him began to form and I pulled back, wiping my eyes so I can see him clearly. He looked tense.

 

“Al, do you know how that happened? I’ve never seen alchemy like that before.” The smell of smoke was fading away, but it was still evident in the crisp, burnt feeling that lingered in the air in ripples of heat. Al was silent, so I continued talking. I could remember meeting someone who used flame alchemy much like this, though I cannot recall their name, these flames must have been some type of illusion to _trick_ me.

 

Did Al discover a new type of alchemy?

 

_Why wouldn't he tell me?_

 

“Al-!” I accused, taking a couple of steps back to bring back the distance that had previously been between us, “why didn’t you tell me you’d discovered a new kind of alchemy?!”

 

Al didn’t respond. “Well-?” I urged, “why didn’t you tell me?!”

 

He was still silent. After a moment, finally, he murmured, “the flames weren’t real, Ed; they were an illusion,” as though I were some kind of idiot.

 

 _“Of course_ they were an illusion-!” I shot back.

 

 _“You were hallucinating-!”_ Al interjected loudly in audible frustration, “I didn’t _do_ anything, brother-! _You did it all by yourself!”_

 

I blinked dumbly again. “I discovered a new kind of alchemy-?” I echoed, narrowing my eyes at him in confusion.

 

Al screeched wordlessly, throwing his hands up in disbelief. “No,” he snarled, “neither of us discovered a new kind of alchemy, brother; you were hallucinating! The fire was all in your head!”

 

“I wasn’t-” I began to protest.

 

He cut me off by shouting, “you were-!” like he was going to make me understand by force if he had to. “Just-!” he tried, “just take your meds, okay?! That’s all I’m asking of you at this point!”

 

I flinched as if he had struck me, and in some sense, he did. Al wanted to stifle my thoughts, erase my being with _medicine._ I had likely discovered something great and he was dismissing it, instead opting to quiet me and pass up the opportunity of a lifetime!

 

“I’m not sick-!” I argued soundly, “I don’t need medicine! I’m a genius, Al, and you know it! You can’t dismiss my brilliance- my brilliance is a cockroach- it’ll never die!”

 

“Sure,” he muttered, “and you aren’t on medication for a reason, right?”

 

“Right-!” I agreed, nodding vigorously. “I’m glad we’re on the same page, now!”

 

Al sighed, shaking his head in wordless disbelief.

 

After a moment, he turned to walk rigidly back towards his desk.

 

_Why is he ignoring my discoveries?_

 

~*~

 

I flipped to page fifty six of my leather-bound notebook, feverishly scribbling more details on what had just occurred only hours before. I scribbled on about the lingering scent of smoke.

 

I could still pick up hints of if I buried my face into the bedsheets and inhaled.

 

I quickly added details about how the flames roared as if they were alive, and about how easily Al dismissed my discoveries. A reminder of his betrayal if I forget later on, though I doubt I can forget my brother actively dismissing this groundbreaking discovery. Even just thinking about how he had disrespected and treated me made my blood boil.

 

Boiling wasn’t enough to describe my fury; I had to clench my fists and grind my teeth in a desperate attempt to dispel the heat that was suddenly surging through my body. It was as if the flames that had surrounded me not so long ago now roared inside me, igniting every inch of my being.

 

I was suddenly spurred into action.

 

_I had to do something._

 

I had to tell someone about my findings; someone who would listen- _with respect-_ and realize that I, Edward Elric, was a genius.

 

I was a _genius._

 

I was a god.

 

I was creating new kinds of alchemy- _defying the laws of physics._ What kind of ordinary person could do that?

 

_Not Al._

 

I laughed loudly at the idea that I was suddenly better than him by tremendous leaps and bounds. He would never be able to catch up, no matter how hard he tried- I was just _that_ amazing.

 

A sudden sound behind me startled me from my thoughts. The door opened with a loud squeal of the rusted door frames and standing there with my brother was a face I often hated seeing. My journal dropped to the floor, the pages crumbling at impact, smearing the still wet ink.

 

I didn't care at this moment. Betrayal cooled my previously hot blood, sending chills down my spine and making my stomach drop as if I were falling from a great distance. My brother appeared somewhat apologetic as my therapist walked into the room, surveying the messy state with a raised eyebrow. I had searched high and low for the source of the flames, but there was nothing to note that may have created the illusion.

 

Still, the poignant aroma of smoke continued to linger, my only piece of evidence. Neither of the other people occupying the room seemed to notice.

 

Al, along with my therapist, remained completely unphased. I could tell that Al was still dead-set in the idea that the ravenous flames had been all in my head. “Brother,” he called gently, giving me a pointed glance, “Doctor Garrett is here.”

 

“Doctor Jones is fine,” said doctor sniffed, looking down at me. I glowered at him in response, narrowing my eyes in silent challenge. He was tall, rude, and prideful; those three things never mixed well, especially in a therapist. “Tell me,” he continued, sounding bold, “what happened in here, Ed?”

 

“It’s Edward,” I corrected simply, “Edward- _master of alchemy._ Get it right, asshole.”

 

Dr. Garrett blinked in surprise behind the thick frames of his glasses before regaining his composure, an expression that reminded me somewhat of a turtle trying to go back into its shell. It was made even better because of the fact that Dr. Garrett’s neck was much too thick for the collar of his brown turtleneck.

“Brother!” Al exclaimed, voice raising several octaves before turning to Dr. Garrett and speaking in a hushed tone. “I'm so sorry, Dr. Garre- Er, _Jones_ , for his behavior. He hasn't taken his meds and it’s been like this all morning.”

 

Dr. Garrett nodded slowly, his pale blue eyes still locked on my figure as he responded to Al. “I can tell by his erratic behavior. He's normally much quieter during our sessions.”

 

I wondered for a quick second if I had become invisible. After quickly checking myself to make sure that I _was_ in fact visible to the both of them, I realized they were speaking about me as if I truly wasn’t there. I gaped at them silently, my gut twisting painfully.

 

“Hey, assholes, _I'm still here-!”_ I finally proclaimed, taking solace in the way Al flinched. They both stared at me in a mixture of surprise and offense - the latter being from Dr. Garrett. “Did you forget-?” I snarled in obvious accusation, “or are you just stupid? I wouldn’t be surprised if you were just stupid, honestly.”

 

Dr. Garrett’s face shifted multiple lovely colors, from pink, to tomato red, to some shade of purple before he let out a choked noise. “Ed-!” he began.

 

I cut him off by interjecting with, “Ed _ward_ \- amazing master of alchemy.”

 

“Fine. I propose a compromise…” Dr. Garrett pushed his glasses up his nose and wiped away the sweat beginning to glisten on his bald, reflective head with a handkerchief. His wrinkly, veiny, old man hands were trembling ever so slightly. “I refuse to refer to you as ‘the amazing master of alchemy.’ It’s ridiculous. I will, however, call you Edward if that's what you would prefer.”

 

“Edward,” I repeated, _“amazing master of alchemy._ Say it right or get the fuck out of my room.”

 

“Okay, I’m going to jump in here!” Al stepped forward, blocking Dr. Garrett with his body as if I were going to attack him like some sort of rabies infected mutt. “Brother, please be reasonable! He's here to help. I know you're confused because what you saw seemed real, but I found where you were hiding your unswallowed pills.” He hesitated before quietly adding, “you can’t get that kind of thing past me for very long.”

 

I paused, my breath catching in my throat. I had been correct after all. I’d had a vague inkling that I was being watched. At night I swore I could see darkened figures lurking outside of my window, but knowing _my own brother_ was likely in on it too was just too much.

 

_I trusted him._

 

“How _dare_ you-!” I shrieked, standing from where I had previously been sitting, _“how dare you, Al-!”_

 

“Brother-!” Al pleaded.

 

“Not brother-!” I snarled tearfully, my voice audibly beginning to waver and snap, “Edward- _amazing master of alchemy._ Say it right or get the fuck out!”

 

Neither of them moved. “Get out-!” I wailed, storming towards their rigid forms, “get out-! Get out- _get out!”_ I helplessly pushed against Al, shaking my head to somehow dislodge the misery that was quickly beginning to take over my thoughts like a hive of frenzied bees.

 

“Ed, I’m sorry!” Al let me push him back. Dr. Garrett followed wordlessly. I slammed the door and fell against it with a muffled _thud._ I bit my lip in a desperate attempt to muffle my cries.


	4. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s horrible what people do when they’re jealous.

_Deliriously, I hopelessly pulled at the rattling chains forcing me to stretch my arms above my head. I swayed on my throbbing feet, forcing my eyes open. I couldn’t see anything in the overwhelming darkness of the room. Exhaustion covered me like a thick shroud; fatigue was quickly eating away at my brain, making clear, conscious thought an understandable effort._

 

_The door opened with a squeak. All my exhaustion was forgotten as fear, ice-cold and unforgiving, rampaged throughout my body. I stood as straight as I could, trembling like a leaf as the sound of boots against dusty concrete quickly began to fill the room, followed by the unmistakable tang of his foul-smelling breath. “Edward,” he sang, “Edward.”_

 

_I hated the way my name sounded as it flowed from his tongue. “What’s Edward up for today, hmm-?” he wondered aloud, staying out of sight. The shadows had swallowed him; but I didn’t want to see the truth as it took form before me. I was going to die here, hung like a rag doll for all of his malicious intent to see. “I said,” he snarled, “What is Edward up for today?”_

 

_I swallowed roughly. “N-Nothing,” I barely managed to respond, my throat dryer than sandpaper, “nothing. I just- I just… I just want to go home.”_

 

 _“You don’t have a home,” he pointed out, “you burned it down; there’s nothing left but ashes and charred, miserable wood. Why would you ever want to go back there,_ Edward?”

 

 _“I want to go home,” I murmured sorrowfully, “I want to see my brother again-_ that’s _what I’m up for.”_

 

_He hummed thoughtfully for a moment, and I almost allowed myself to start believing that he would actually let me go. “Your brother-?” he asked, “Alphonse, correct?”_

 

_I didn’t respond. “Alphonse doesn’t want to see you,” he continued harshly, “why do you think he hasn’t come to save you yet, Edward?”_

 

_I blinked._

 

 _The room suddenly got that much colder. “Anyways,” he continued nonchalantly, “let’s begin with our day, shall we? There are one too many things to do, and not enough time to do them.” There was a distant pause. “I think we should start with_ aerobics _, don’t you, Edward?”_

 

_“No-!” I screeched, “please no-!”_

 

_“Please yes-!” he responded happily, “yes!”_

 

_He stepped towards me loudly; his face began to come into view-_

 

I jolted awake.

 

I drew a sharp, shaking breath. It took me a moment to realize that the moldy depths of that freezing room were gone, now replaced by my warm, welcoming bedroom.

 

Al.

 

I glanced to my left; no Al.

 

I glanced to my right; _still_ no Al.

 

“Al-!” I shrieked, throwing myself off my bed. Fear quickly began to cloud my mind. “Al!”

 

The room was dark, the sun not yet rising above the horizon. I simply sat there, details from my dream slowly fading from memory, even though the panic continued to linger.

 

My brother was _missing!_

 

I started to scramble out of bed, forcefully kicking the covers away before pausing, my heart throbbing painfully in a tightening chest.

 

What if Al got up and _left_ me?

 

That thought almost seemed ridiculous, but I rationalized that he would leave- _definitely_ \- if he hadn’t wanted me home in the first place.

 

He hadn’t wanted to save me; _he hadn’t wanted to find me at all._

 

So why had he done it anyways?

 

I needed answers. I refuse to sit in bed and wonder why Al would leave me when I could search for him and find out exactly why. The truth was painful, yes, but I would much rather hear it directly from the source instead from my own thoughts plaguing me with these ideas over and over _and over_ until it drove me mad.

 

With that decided, I swung my legs over the edge of my bed and slowly stood up, clenching my fists- dented metal and scarred flesh- in pure determination that heated my blood and chased away any remaining traces of fear.

 

I was going to find Al and make him tell me the truth.

 

The front door slammed shut loud enough for me to hear, then, and I yelped wordlessly, diving for the floor. I formulated a plan right then and there:  transmute a weapon, find out who the fuck broke into my house, and take them the hell down.

 

After slowly opening my bedroom door, I cautiously peeked around the doorframe and spotted a dark figure at the end of the hallway, an electric bolt of fear shooting through my heart at the realization that this figure is _not_ Al.

 

A stranger is actually in my house.

 

He’s here.

  
He found me. “If you took Al,” I snarled under my breath, shuffling towards my bedside table, _“you’re gonna fucking pay.”_

 

I grabbed the nearest weapon, which happened to be a lamp. After going back to the doorframe, I began to slowly creep closer to the the figure, holding my breath in an attempt to cease the beating of my heart from echoing in my ears. My foot landed on a creaky floorboard and the figure turned, eyes locking with mine, and took off running around a corner.

“Hey! Get back here!” I shouted, ready to chase them down and beat the shit out of them with my lamp, but I knew I needed to think logically. They could be grabbing a weapon at the moment and my only chance against this intruder is the element of surprise, which I’ve lost, for the most part.

I stood near the next corner, back against the wall, and listened as their footsteps slowly returned. They were coming to get me, now. I clutched my lamp and focused on even breathing as they grew closer and closer…

I dashed around the corner, raising my lamp. I brought it down repeatedly against the intruder’s shoulder, screeching, “get out of my fucking house-!” in obvious fury.

The figure let out a surprised cry as the lamp shattered upon impact with their armor…

_What the fuck._

_What the actual fuck._

“Al?” I gasped before looking past him, seeing nothing but an empty hallway. I paused for a moment, blinking dumbly in confusion. “Where the fuck did you come from-?” I wondered aloud angrily, “and wh- _why did you let that asshole escape if you were able to intercept him?!”_

“Why did you hit me with a lamp?!” Al proclaimed, motioning towards the shattered remains at his feet. “Ed, you're bleeding, _look!”_ he wailed, grabbing my hands to show me my bleeding palm. I’d torn it open when the lamp had exploded. _“See what happens when you attack me like that?!”_

“That doesn't matter, Al, what _does_ matter that _someone was just in the house!”_ I urged, pulling my hand away. I wiped my crimson-splattered palm on my shirt, shrugging in dismissal of the fact that the jagged wound was already swelling and obviously needed stitches. “C’mon- _we have to find him-!”_

“Who? Find _who_ , brother?!” Al asked, bewildered.

“Him-!” I shouted, marching past Al, “him! The asshole who broke into our house- the one that _you_ let escape!”

“I didn’t let _anyone_ escape-!” Al informed helplessly, following my lead as I made my way towards the front door, which was at the end of the hall, “there’s nobody here, brother-!”

_“Sure_ there is-!” I interrupted, “I saw him!”

“Who-?!” Al pressed, “who did you see?!”

I spun around to face Al, furrowing my eyebrows in frustration. Blood dripped slowly from my flesh palm. “Him,” I repeated matter-of-factly.

If Al could give me a skeptical look, he would’ve. Instead, he snipped, “there’s nobody here,” like I was some sort of blind, oblivious dumbass. He hesitated before asking, “were you going to bash their skull in with your lamp?”

I nodded happily, turning back around to head for the front door. I heard him sigh wordlessly in exasperation. I didn’t have to look to know he was trailing after me, shaking his helmet, as per usual. I cautiously opened the front door to peek out into the night and was hit with the cool night breeze that startled me from my thoughts, distracting me from the fact that _they had gotten away._

Al stood wordlessly next to me as I stared out into the night as the sky shifted from a deep black to a softer shade of blue, the stars slowly winking out like dying fireflies as the sun rose over the horizon, drowning them in waves of light and color that were cast onto the earth and chased away the night.

I know Al would want to talk about this.

_He always wanted to talk about stuff like this._

I shied away from the world as it slowly came to life. Birds chirped from where they perched in trees and people began to walk on the sidewalks outside. It was too exposed and I wasn't ready to leave my house quite yet.

With a sigh, I stepped back and shut the door.

~*~

Al was always loud. I know he didn’t mean to be, but it doesn't change the fact that his footsteps seemed to echo throughout the house like gunshots. He was calling for me, wanting to _talk._

_I curled my lip in disgust at the idea of the conversation that would play out._

I never would've thought I would quickly grow to hate talking to Al, especially after something like what had happened, but he was constantly prodding at me, albeit with innocent intentions; and his seemingly-infinite questions always cut through me like sharpened, glistening knives.

There was no way for me to escape him; he kept cornering me-

Cornered.

_I was being cornered._

Al stepped into the room, and he wasn’t Al, anymore; _he was wearing steel-toed boots and the tang of one too many drinks, complete with the aura of malicious amusement that always seemed to follow his every waking moment._

_I was sitting on the floor with my knees pressed against my chest, helpless to the way he quickly towered over me, snarling under his breath like some sort of rabid, leash-free dog. Saliva seemed to slide from his mouth; there was foam decorating his pale, frayed lips._

_He was the dog._

_I was the prey._

“Ed?” I snapped out of my trance to see Al looking down at where I was curled up on the floor, trembling violently in the depths of his spike-shouldered shadow.

Was he angry at me for breaking that lamp?

_What if he decided to punish me?_ “Ed-?” he repeated, taking a small step towards me, “what’s wrong- a-are you okay?”

“Please,” the word flew from my mouth as tears began to form in my eyes, “please, please, please…” I pulled my knees tighter to my chest and continued to beg for him to hold off on punishing me. “Please don’t!”

“No hitting!” I sobbed hysterically as Al began to inch ever closer, “no touching! Stay away- _stay the fuck away-!”_

“It’s okay,” he called, languidly lowering himself onto the floor beside me. I shook my head before scooting away, not wanting to be anywhere near him; it was too much of a risk- punishment seemed to loom ominously in the air around us, waiting to make itself known. If I let my guard fall, and he got close, I wouldn’t be able to predict his moves in time to keep myself safe. “Ed,” he urged softly, holding out one of his large hands, “I won't hurt you. I just wanna talk; can we talk?”

“No-!” I hissed, burying my head between my knees in a desperate attempt to get him to understand that I didn’t want him within a couple hundred miles of me, even though that wasn’t possible with our living situation. “No,” I continued tearfully, “no.”

I heard him sigh; the kind of sigh you give when you aren’t sure what else to do- and, finally, after a moment of silence, he promised, “we don’t have to talk unless you want to, okay-?” It was as though he thought he was talking to a little kid, and he wasn’t really sure if I would break under the pressure of his words or not.

I shook my head again. “Stay away,” I ordered sourly, “stay the hell away from me.”

Al leaned back hesitantly before sighing once again, getting to his feet. “Fine. Ed, if you really want me to go, I‘ll go. Just know I would never hurt you.”

“Sure,” I snapped bitterly. “Is there anything else you want to lie to me about?”

“No,” he whispered. His feet slammed loudly against the floor, announcing his exit in the only way I could accept. I wondered if he wanted to hurt me; if hurting me would make him feel better, since he was always in a bad mood for one reason or another.

Al had never been defeated like this, before. He used to walk confidently, but, now, his strides were reduced to him shuffling his feet with his head down. There was no happiness in the way he moved; no joy- no traces of the younger brother that I had grown up to know and love.


End file.
